Summer Tour Part 2 or something something something

I am one time zone away from home. Just entered Ontario I’ve got 2 shows in Kenora. I may cover a Tragically Hip Tune tonight. I’m listening to them right now. That may have something to do with it.

I check my iPhone the next note is “Perfect Pint My”

I guess someone poured me a nice beer between Calgary and Salmon Arm.

Red Deer AB, Velvet Olive

When I stopped in the café early in the afternoon there was one fellow who was in good spirits. I left and returned that evening and he was still there, feeling even better. After the show The staff, customers, and me went to a rock bar. That man who had been to the bar came and continued drinking. While talking to him he told me he had been at the café hours before I showed up. This fellow is a power drinker.  He ended up snuggling to the mannish woman bouncer at the end of the night. I hope it worked out for him.

It was a good show, good crowd, minus the guy who was sitting near the stage with his back to me. He farted looked left, looked right and walked away leaving me mid song in old man fart cloud. 

Thanks dude.

I also had requests to take off my shirt, always flattering, never happens though. 

Request all you want. 

This has happened to me 3 times since I’ve been playing.

Two of those three times from dudes.

I almost did it once but that was to make a T-Shirt sale.

Who doesn’t like driving through mountains? I’ve swerved multiple times just from staring out the side window to look at the view. Safety was not my #1 concern it seemed. Neither was stopping to look at said view.

I stayed in Salmon Arm, BC (Canoe to be more specific) to visit with my sister and her 3 kids. She had the third a year and a half ago, and I had not seen it yet. I’m not much of a baby person and I think this young lad could sense it (not unlike a dog sensing fear). He didn’t seem to take to me. I also dropped him on his head the first time I touched him. It’s like handeling a snake you want to hold it but at the same time you really don’t.  I caused 2 more head whacks after that

We’re not on speaking terms. 

I find that babies really are like dogs. They eat off the floor, like chew toys. And when you eat, they want what you are eating. I’ll stick with my dog.

Another day of beach laying and boat cruising. I love summer.

This is the tool I need to babysit.

Kamloops, BC

This was a rock bar. Mostly puts on metal shows.

Also, the first and only bar to use this image for their promotional posters.

It’s a great little venue and after the show I crashed at the managers house where he prepared for the Mortal Kombat tournament his bar staff was having in a weeks time. I hadn’t played this game since it first came out in arcade’s. Remember arcade’s?) It is so much bloodier than before. You and another character come out grab a chick’s legs and rip her apart from the vagina up! It’s insane!

I stopped off in White Rock, BC for free housing and to visit Gina’s parents.

Her sister was pregnant. She decided to have a baby the night I showed up.

I slept through it.

She birthed a baby and a wig it seems.

I also watched Driving Miss Daisy for the first time, starting in the middle. I didn’t know what was going on

The dude keeps trying to drive Miss Daisy around in a nice car, but she will have none of it and then Dan Akroyd shows up. This movie is crazy.

Langley, BC New Balance Café

I stayed at Gina’s sisters place. It is the first couple house I’ve seen dominated by dude stuff. It’s all pictures of Trucks and fishing. Behind a stack of coasters I saw a photo of them together. 

Then I put my drink in front of it.

The café was good a good show plus I tried Dead Frog Beer for the first time.

(I’m now trvelling back to Ontario with a few cases in the trailer!)

Vancouver, BC Joe’s Apartment

Vancouver It’s been awhile but Granville is a great street.

A man walks by me as I stand outside the bar

“I just banged a Russian girl Uh! Uh! Uh! You jealous? I bet you are.”

And walked on.

“You know him?" I asked the bouncer.

“Nope.”

Oh Granville st….

So the local band that was to play either cancelled or didn’t show up.  Also another touring band did not show up.

So the promoter got a last minute fill in a touring band from Ontario called The Hell Bros., who called their style of music Southern Rock.

What do you think when someone says southern rock?

I think Allman Brothers, Lynard Skynard, Sheepdogs.

They had a song called Tombstone. They introduced it like this.

“This is for those people that go to their grandmother’s funeral and see her looking all sexy with that make up on and want to touch her vag.”

Hell Bros. were not Southern Rock.

Hell Bros and our gigantic crowd. They did manage to mosh a bit.

A fair bit of musical mismatch, cancelled band, and a band no show equals a shit night.

At the show was one short moustached fellow wearing a Rough Riders jersey.

“Hey man is there any more live music?”

“I don’t know I’m touring through, don’t know the area.”

Where did the Rough Riders play tonight?”

“No man the games on Sunday. I came up from Regina to see it. I’ve been here 12 days waiting for it!”

That’s along time to wait for one game. From What I hear Saskatchewan loves football.

I'm sorry Adidas, but I think you need a new shoe designer.

Or is this an early April Fool's joke.

If so, you got me!

After the set I head to Doolin’s down the street for a relax drink.

A server notices me from the other side of the bar.

You look like _------ (I don’t know his name) from True Blood. I have a thing for werewolves.”

I had decided to not shave or cut my hair while on the road and by now the beard was in full force. I suppose it was wolf like.

It was here I tried a beer that, I was told, tasted like fancy bathroom soap.

Those two things should not be together. I was even told that that is what it tasted like. But I had to know for myself.

It tasted like fancy bathroom soap.

The next day I’m in Whistler for My second Warrior Dash Race. The first being in Ontario in July. All through the tour I’d been getting up between 7 and 9 in the morning . So I felt I had been doing well preparing for this race.

Get in The Gondella and up we go!

I prolly could have found some better scenery to take a photo.

The race starts with a giant hill. People had to start walking within 1 minute of the race starting. Very demoralizing. I told myself , No I will not walk and running through throngs of people going further up the hill when I get to the turn what I thought was the top of the hill, My heart sunk that was only half the hill and it gets steeper. I soon started to walk. This hill took somewhere between 10-15 minutes to finish.

 Here's the hill you start on doesn't look daunting from this photo and it's only part of it.        people were walking before the end of the tree line.

No broken toes no major cuts. I came in 908 out of near 4000.

Goodbye Mountains.

 *Side note- Did you know or ever think that dogs have periods? A friend of mine mentioned this and at first I was like “What?” That’s human stuff!” But then seconds later it made sense. It has nothing to do with anything. But there it is, dog periods.

Moose Jaw, SK Java Express

I stopped in Calgary for the night and went on back  to Moose Jaw to try out Java Express. There were more people out this time but again nothing crazy. I went to check out the pubs after but it seems everyone was in bed that night. Off to the Al Capone Hideout Inn. It still smelled of Cigarette’s. (not sure if I mentioned that in part one)

*Side Note- There is a town in Saskatchewan called Rouleaux.

It is pronounced Rolo.  Ridiculous.

Unknown note “3 yawn homeless.” any guesses?

I stopped at a gas station in what ever town I was in And there was an older gentleman at the magazine rack in his 50-60’s. He had the body type of a large potato with toothpicks for legs. He wore  tan shorts held up high with red suspenders. He sort of looked like the old man who made the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.

Anyway reaching up to the top rack he caused a major collapse of magazine’s to the floor. When he got to the til I was behind him he had a newspaper, A big bag of Dill Pickle Chips, and a Haagen Das ice cream bar. When the cashier rings in the items she lifts the paper and beneath lies the protectively wrapped magazine “Bootylicious.”

On the cover were Spanish and Black girls with gigantic asses.

Old Mr. Jurassic Park is a lover of fine pornography.

He clearly did not want the other items. They were there to take away from the fact that all he wanted was a collection of ass pictures.

Someone needs to get this guy the Internet.

Regina, SK Spadina Free House

I learned that Regina has one of the world’s largest murder rate per capita.

A bar tender told me a story about his friend who got stabbed twice in one night. The first a man wanted money and sliced his arm. He wrapped a banfdage around it and stayed out later 5 10 year old kids surrounded him and said give me your ipod of course he said no, and was then stabbed once in the stomach.

I couldn’t wait to get to Stabtown!

Driving in I was listening to the local radio and the Dj was speaking to a fan that was at the Vancouver football game. It’s a tradition for the more extreme Saskatchewan fans to carve out watermelons to make helmets to wear at the games. The Security said sorry you can’t bring that in.  The man being interviewed smashed his helmet on the ground in front of security. And the rest of the helmet wearers were forced to hand in or throw out there fruit hats. The woman asked why did you smash it?

“What else could I do?”

I’m pretty sure there were a few other options other than throwing your hat on the ground.

Do you think the fact that you all were not aloud to wear your helmets is what lead to the loss to Vancouver?

“Oh definitly.”

Saskatchewan football fans are nuts.

Just did a search for melon head pics and the incident with this dude made CBC News here's the link!

Is news important anymore?

I actually didn’t get to play in Regina. But I spent a shit load of money.

I wondered around the city in the afternoon and a few people told me go eat at such and such place, (I can’t remember the name) The server recommended the Muscles. I should have said “Uh there are no ocean’s here We are in the middle of Canada.” But I didn’t, I said, “OK.”

I went for a nap in my car that was in the parking lot of the Freehouse.  I opened the window and fell asleep with the key in my hand. Woke up an hour later and threw up and felt horrible. Then I couldn’t find my key. It wasn’t in my front seat wasn’t in the back seats not on the floor. I remembered that there were 10 or so people around the car when I dozed off. Could someone reached in my window and took the key from my hand?

I had to go in the bar and tell them that I had to call a tow truck to get my car to a Mazda dealership where they could cut another key. I couldn’t leave the car in that lot because the window was open plus my key was missing someone could come back and take the car!

Because I was sick, I probably looked wasted or high, which I was not. The manager was fine with me not playing, probably was glad not to have me in the bar. For all I knew I could have had throw up in my beard. I went outside threw up again and waited for the truck. He towed it to the dealership, which of course was closed but left the car parked so that the open window was pointing out towards the street. Thanks Tow Truck driver.

I went to a hotel costing $140, and had the worst sleep waking up off and on sweating through the blankets with a pounding headache. The next day I went and got my key feeling better but kind of weak. The key cost $130.  $270 plus what ever I spent on lunch and all the gas to get there. Not a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be really good in Winnipeg and I can recoup some of the loss.

Nope.

Read on.

Winnipeg MB, Sam’s Place

I had booked a local band to play the night with me. The owners said that it’s not a venue with walk in traffic you need to have a local to play, hence the band.

Earlier the band said they might not be able to make it and could recommend other locals to play if need be. I said ok let me know if you can’t make it.

I heard no more from them thinking they would be playing the show.

They did not show up, didn’t let me know of any locals to fill in, or invite anyone to the show. I texted them that day asking where were they. I heard nothing until after the “show” if you call it that. I played 30 minutes to the staff who were not paying attention. One person walked in, peed, and left.

The band had said we could have played if you’d told us sooner.

You didn’t tell me you couldn’t play!

I packed up to head to Kenora, ON, to find the whole neighborhood watching a man run around wasted or high, or both with blood streaming down his face. Even the paramedics there weren’t trying to get him under control they just walked around watching.

Winnipeg’ rule as far as I could see was let the derelicts roam free, they make good entertainment.

Here's where I played to the staff! 

In front of a fake lizard or gator.

Kenora I spent 2 days drinking on the beach on a boat in restaurants and in a house It was great after 2 bad nights. Just what I needed.

Me and the boys with booze and a boat! 

Here is a video of me jumping off a cliff! I'm the second jumper. The hesitant one.

40 feet? is that all?

Thunder Bay, ON Jack’s

I was to go to the open mic night the day previous and play a few songs and try to get some people to come out for the real show the following night.

I showed up and it was a handful of older fellows playing classic rock like Eagles, April Wine and such, I was there early but was bypassed to play for another classic rock singer. So I just went home I was tired.

I showed up the next day to find that I was not opening for a band Artemis something, that I was told I would be playing with, and that there were 2 acoustic players opening for me. 

All right that’s fine.

But one did not show up so it was just the one opener.

She seemed in a bad mood and I later learned that she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

She starts to play and you can hear her guitar quite out of tune. I tell the promoter, she’s plugged into my tuner tell her to step on it and make use of it.

He said “She’s in a bad mood I don’t think anyone should be telling her what to do.”

Huh?

He did go up, but she didn’t work out the tuner.

So we had a sour set. Which was a shame because she did have a good voice.

I’m tired by this point I had been on the road for awhile and still 3 more shows to get to.

I drove to Sault Ste. Marie had a day off which matched up with a free show put on by Sirus Radio, featuring Bedouin Soundclash and Broken Social Scene. How awesome is that?

Let me tell you.

Real awesome.

My friend took me out for dinner.

“Where we going?”

“Out for Indian.”

“Cool where’s that?”

“The Husky.”

“What? The Gas Station Huskey?”

"Ya.”

So it seems Husky’s are the new Indian Food stop, and it was decent too.

The best part was when a guy stands up and says.

“I gotta pay now and get back to the hotel before this settles.” Paid and ran out.

We show up to the arena and it was the saddest scene for a big band to have. Empty seats, and an empty floor. There were three rows in front of the stage followed by a big empty space leading to the sparsely filled seats.

What’s going on here?

“It’s the Sault.” Was the only answer I received.

Anyone coming out tonight?

Bedouin were great. You know when bands have those lines in there songs where the audience is expected to sing? Ya Bedouin has one of those

They go “Murderer!”

And we go “Blood upon your shoulder!”

Easy.

But no one said anything. I started sing it but thought maybe I sang it at the wrong time. Then realize that no, I had it right. You could see them laugh at the fact no one sang the line.

“I was told the same thing happened to Kiss when they showed up, but worse. There was a part where they stop and turn the mic’s to the audience to sing whatever line they are supposed to sing, and it was dead air. No one sang anything.

Way to go Sault Ste Marie.

Bedoiun Soundclash!

I don’t see Broken Social Scene ever returning to this city.

Broken Social Scene!

People started to leave during there set, so the already dead venue got even more empty.

At one point my friend says to me.

“This sounds like drugy music.”

I feel bad for the turn out, but it was great for me to see two cool bands up close and when my legs got tired I could sit, anywhere, then come right back up to the front of the stage.

just taping the guitar to the amp. That old trick?

At one point the singer said “I’m pissed why are we even in this building? We should be in someone’s house.”

He left before the last song and did not return.

of the few people who stayed for the full AWESOME show.

Here's a video of Broken Social Scene covering Modest Mouse (The World At Large) From The Sault!

* Side note- One of my favourite conversations I overheard

I was standing in a line behind these 2 fellows.

Guy 1 “I hope it’s not long.” Referring to the line.

Guy 2 “That’s what she said.”

Guy 1 “why would she say that?”

Guy 2 “…I don’t know.”

Toronto, ON The Only Café

On my way to Toronto I was able to pass by Barrie see Gina and Trail(my dog) then off to T Dot!

Here there was a mix up the manager double booked the venue. I showed up with my gear and some woman was there with her band.

When she found out about the double booking she was in a tizzy. What do we do? We booked the show we have fans coming.”

Ya so did I lady.

So I said since you’re a full band I’ll open for you no problem for me I play one set instead of 2. Still stressed out by this world shattering complication, she finally agreed but said I must be done by 9pm.

I’m just thinking don’t push it lady.

I was booked to play here as well in May as a matter of fact.

I didn’t really care but right away I didn’t like her.

And I know it’s common for musical acts to not really pay that much attention to who is playing before. I’ve seen it lots. Usually the bands or musicians talk with the friends and fans or go outside and get ready for their set, that kind of stuff.

And it’s no problem. I don’t mind, never bothers me, But for some reason I watched her during my set not pay any attention to my set, and it bothered me prolly because I put it in my head that I dislike her already, anything she did would irk me.

She went up to Gina while I was playing.

“Make sure he’s be done by 9.”

Her response “He’ll finish when he finishes his set.” And turned away.

Her band was nice talked briefly with them and they listened to some songs.

I left as soon as I packed up and left with my friends. No need for us to support someone like that.

As a musician you’ve got to be able to deal with changes. Bands not showing up, double bookings, equipment malfunctions. It’s part of it How you deal with those situations shows a lot about you I think.

Me and Bryce not drinking at The Only Cafe.

Greek Beer. 

St. Catharine’s, ON Strega Café

Strega Café. The last time I played here I played to 4 people. But I didn’t care they had fantastic food and drinks and it’s free for musicians!

So If I had the same size crowd, I didn’t care I was eating and drinking well that night.

It wasn’t crazy had more people than last time 7 or 8 so I’m slowly gaining a crowd hopefully when I go back in November will be close to 15!

It started off slow no one was there for awhile so I spent the first 20 minute’s playing The Monopoly Card game with some of the staff and their friends. It’s quite fun and does not take 3 days to finish.

Then some people started to arrive and I kicked out the jams.

On to the last show!

Orillia, ON The Brownstone

I’ve ventured from Barrie multiple times to come out for a sandwich and beer. I like the venue and don’t mind diving the 30 min. to get there. I’ve wanted to play there for a while and finally got a chance. A similar thing happened as in Toronto, a double booking of sorts. The only difference was that they told me about it a month before the show. So there was no problem I said I’d open for the three piece band.

Tune Up.

Freeman Dre and the Kitchen Party. They are great guys and quite beloved by the crowd that night.  Dre used to do hip-hop but switched to folk music and is doing quite well.

Freeman Dre and The Kitchen Party

It was a great final show for the tour, drinks food good tips from the audience.

Last pic of the tour.

At the end of the night I drove home and got a chance to sleep in my own bed. Which is the floor. Yup I sleep in the floor actually on a thin futon matress. But it’s my thin futon mattress, and I was glad to be in it again.

In 10 days I would make another trip out West to Vancouver and back. This time with Gina and Trail.

After 6 weeks of no hair cut or shaving. I took it all off. 

-Neil

www.eyeswide.ca