A Teacher's Life

On my Jango site, which is online radio, listeners can like your songs and become fans. They can even write comments. One considerate fellow after liking a song of mine had written "gtfh", in my comment section. I did not know what it meant. Perhaps some street slang for the awesomeness that had bombarded his ears when my song come up?
I went to urban dictionary to find out what the meaning of "gtfh" was.
Go to fucking Hell.
Really? Go to fucking Hell.
You, miscellaneous internet user, out of your own accord take the effort to become a fan of mine so you could tell me to go to Hell.
Well if that ain't gumption....

So I've been home for a while  and have been working whenever possible.
When I started teaching back in 2004-2006 I used to write mass emails about my teacher tales.
Let's relive that and share some of my current teaching tales.

Let me set up scenario one.
I was working at a particularly rough school. A school I do not often go to.
The regular teacher warned me. "This is a difficult class. If they are acting up have them removed, call the office."
If only it were so easy.
I called the office 3 times about kids who have left the class ran away or would not leave the room. They answered my phone call once.
There was this girl who was quite over weight for her age, wearing an all red outfit. Red sweat pants with a red t-shert that was smaller than t shirt should be. It did not meet the pant line and showed off her large grade 5 belly.
The school had a dress code. No tank tops. No belly shirts. But I guess if the shirt is too small and cannot contain your belly it's alright.
A boy had went to the washroom. ( a boy who was not allowed to go alone for fear of what he might do) but did not sign on the board that he was leaving.
Kool Aid saw that, ( sorry I know it's mean but if you had met this girl you would have disliked her as much as I did) and said "If he can  leave I can leave!"
"No, he asked. Sit down"
"No!! I'm leaving!!!"
And storms past me.
Did I mention we are  not allowed to touch students, even from leaving a class room?
Crazy, right?
I call the office. "So and so has left, ignoring me, blah..."
and they did nothing.
The boy who went to the washroom, with the lad who is not allowed to go alone, comes in the room and says that man-child-girl is pulling the other boy into the girls washroom.
I go down and check and she has this kid in a strangle hold dragging him across the floor in to the girl's room.
I tell her to stop and she runs off.
That was with in the first 20 minutes of being in this room.
Teaching is not all math and spelling.

*Side note- I did make notes of things  I wanted to say to her  to make her cry. I would have whispered them while she was hiding under the table (which she did 3 times that day) or anywhere away from earshot from the children so I could claim I did not say them, but deleted them soon after writing them.

So kids like to send notes.
It happens infrequently because now they usually text each other, but to those that don't have a phone an old fashioned note will have to do.
When i apprehend these culprits I ask them for the note and they try to hide it or say they will throw it away anything to not give it to me so it's always some form of dialogue with me ending up firmly saying "I said, Give me the note!"
They hand it over and I usually read allowed a "do you like me?" or "Why don't you like me anymore?" allowed we all have a chuckle at who ever had it and go about our day.
This one time it happened a touch differently, but began in the same manner.
"What do you have there?"
"Just some paper." as he stuffs it into his desk.
"well, give it to me."
"No. I won't read it anymore."
"Give it to me."
"I'll throw it out."
"Give it to me!"
Meanwhile the whole class is watching, like usual, and the kids in his group are all serious.
What's going to happen? is what their look says.
It's always someone in their group who wrote it.
Just say it to them or ask.
He finally hands it over and I go to read it out, but I pause.
it reads:
"Mr Crowe's fly is undone should I tell him?"
I look at the letter. Look up after a moment of silence and say "Ya!" very firmly and walk over to my desk to fix my fly.

There was a student who did not have a very good work ethic and said he finished his work. I asked to see it and it was crumpled up beside his desk. I unravel the mess and read his math work which ask for him to explain the math patern. Start at 1 and w 
"What does this say?"
"Start at 1 and w."
"What does it mean?"
"I dunno."
Genius! A grade 7 on his way to dropping out of high school.

One sharp lad in grade 1 was working  in his journal where they were to write a sentence or 3 and draw a picture. his picture was a mess of potato shapes and, what may or may not, be considered lines, with the the word "me" written below.
"Sorry but you need to write a full sentence that has more than one word."
He takes his book and goes back to his desk to complete his masterpiece.
10 minutes later he shows me "me and my mom."
Fair enough. It's a complete sentence.
I scan the other pages of his journal and they all say "me and my mom"
complete with odd potato shapes and squiggles.
Although, there was the one day he seemed to get creative and wrote "mom and me"
I look forward to reading his first novella.

Sometimes in the younger grades the students ask me, where's Mrs. So-and-so or Mr. Whosiwhatsit?
I tend to say "I've tied them up and locked them in the closet so I could take over the class."
They always try to open the closet and of course it won't open, and for half the day they are unsure because their tiny brains don't have enough common sense.
On this particular day, a young girl looked at me with eyes wide and mouth agape. She couldn't believe it. Her eyes turned to hate, she looked at me with such malice as she said, "You're not a teacher! A teacher wouldn't do that! You're a stealer! You're a stealer!"
and went to all her friends telling her what I did. I think she was plotting a mutiny of the classroom.

I spent a good 15 minutes discussing respect, what respect is and how to show it.
They al had their input and it was fine. They had to do a journal writing/drawing about it after.

This was my 2nd favourite

He said "I show respect by sharing a swing with my friend.
"What's happening in that picture?"
"Oh that's a war. But don't worry it's up above and the bullets aren't hitting us."
Perfect.

My Favourite, and I wish I took a picture of it, was this was his sentence, "A giant is squashing the buildings."
"It's cool, but we were talking about respect."
"Oh."
"We spent 15 minutes talking about it."
"Really?"
"I wrote the sentence starter on the board that you were to use. It's still there. It says "I show respect by..."
"Oh."

I can't wait to see him at Burger King.
"Uh, I ordered a Whopper."
"Oh."
" and I got a chicken sandwich."
"Really?"
"You took my order. You said it was your favourite sandwich."
"Oh."

Seacrest Out!

-Neil
www.eyeswide.ca

Traveling with girl and dog.

So I've wanted to write some of what's been going on since I've returned home but I'm still behind in travel life.
So let's get to it and I'll keep it short.

So the initial tour was enjoyable me on the road seeing Canada.
Now I'm going back out west. Destination Vancouver.
But not alone.
Gina and Trail are coming with me. Also a big red cargo trailer.
The plan.
Travel to Van City, stop in Saskatoon along the way to play a gig. Write a pluthra of songs in Van, and  return to Ontario with a multitude of shows along the way.

The funny thing is my car had magnets on it promoting my tour, it was paid for by Sleeman. The whole time traveling across Canada I was worried someone might take them. But I worried for naught. I arrived home the magnets still attached to my car.
The morning we are leaving what do I see on my car but an empty rectangle of dirt. Someone in my neighbourhood had swiped one of the magnets, and now has the coolest fridge in the world.
(puns anyone?)

I bought this trailer before I hit the tour and have not driven with it aside from getting it from the previous owners home to it's current resting place.
Packed up. Ready to go. First think I do is jack knife the thing backing out of the driveway and put a dent in my bumper. (an Aside: it doesn't matter Gina ripped the bumper off my car previously exiting from a parking lot and I am still awaiting her replacement...)

What are you pointing at?

Stops to make it to Saskatoon: Sault Ste. Marie, Thunder Bay, Winnipeg. Visiting family along the way.

Here some classy Gina moments.

Early on I was tired so Gina took over.
"Why don't you close your eyes for a bit." she says
Alright.
I get 5 seconds before...
"Why didn't you go out last night? Did you stay out with Hazy? He looks good, eh?"
Roar.
"You told me to close my eyes!"
"I didn't think you were actually trying to sleep!"

Another favourite Gina moment was in Sault Ste Marie.
Again she was driving (She's like my chauffeur) and I was navigator.
"Take a left up here."
she starts to turn.
"No, at the lights. These are train tracks."

Driving 7 hours so far, I'm pretty tired. Gina's bouncing around in good spirits.
"We're pretty perky for having driven 7 hours!"
"No, you are you just had a red bull."
"Oh ya!"

                                                              Good thing she's cute.

My dog will not relax in the car.
He braces himself the whole ride and when we stop he is so exhausted he falls asleep fairly quickly.
and if we go over rumble strips he does this.

A Frightened Trail

Saskatoon was a fun little place. Spadina Free House was a really busy bar, but I was clearly back-ground noise.
Lots of conversations going on.
I was surprised that people did come up to me afterward and tell me they enjoyed the music.

After the show with no place to stay we needed to find a motel. We were warned that Saskatoon was quite expensive place to stay and true enough it was.
The dingiest hotel we could find was still $100 for the night. Which would have taken away almost all my pay.
So, I had the killer idea of driving out of town and finding a cheaper place in a small township.
Driving down the highway in the Prairies at 1am was not a fantastic thing to do. I was very tired and it was very dark. All I could see was 2 red lights of a car in the distance.
I drove for a an hour before coming up to a place that wanted $90 I was too tired to find somewhere else. So whatever township we were at took our money.


Next was Calgary, to Salmon Arm, then over the border to Mount Baker.

While in Salmon Arm I was asked "Where's your trailer plate?"
"Uh what?"
Apparently I'm to have gotten a licence plate for my trailer. whoops well I'm in BC now, and made it hear with no trouble I'll wait until I get back to Ontario.
I have now since gotten the plate. but haven't attached it. It sits in the car.

Mount Baker was awesome we spent 2 relaxing booze infused days there.
We had a cottage at the base of the mountain, and it was just what we needed after driving 8-5 hours everyday for the past 6 days. it was nice to get up and not go anywhere.
We had good food friends and nature.

Topless Crowe sunning and strumming

I don't know why but I kept forgetting we were in the US rather than Canada.
I think because I don't usually go over the borders to get away from city life.
But it was fantastic going for jogs in the forest going up the mountain being around snow and ice but still be in shorts and a t-shirt.
Up in the mountain there are glacier pools some, the colder ones, have ice still on them.
I went up to my knees felt numbing pain and said  "Not for me."
Gina on the other hand dives in.
gets out screams a triumphant banshee viking warrior cry and jumps back in.
So what. You think you're better than me?
I went up a little higher and found a pool that didn't have any ice and quietly waded in and swam alone.
It was still very cold!

Off to White Rock to visit with Gina's family then  finally our destination. Vancouver!
We were extremely lucky. We had planned on renting out a place for 3 weeks that would have cost us well over a grand.
But good ol' Facebook came to the rescue.
Gina posted that we were coming to Van City and were looking for a place to stay.
A friend of hers just happened to be leaving for Italy for the month and we could stay at his place fre of charge. And better yet it was right between Gas Town and China Town.
Couldn't of had a better location.
We were excited to be able to save some money.

3 years ago Gina bought me a painting from someone off the street for $10 dollars. I loved it and every time she went back to Van I asked her to find the guy who painted it and get another one.
But never saw him.
THe night we arrived and settled in the pratment. we walked Trail around the block.
and some dude zoomed by us.
"Gina says "That's Foster!"
"Who?"
"The  guy who did your painting!"
So within 10 minutes of being in the city, we've managed to find the guy who's been alluding us for the past 3 years.

There's the man.

Ken Foster is an interesting fellow and has done work for tv and music video's. The Rolling Stones Saint Of me Video he did the art and had lots of offers for more work but...
he is also schizophrenic and bi polar. Then started to use crack to self medicate against his symptoms.
So now sadly he paints and sells it on the street for way less than it's worth.
Before we left Gina did hook him up with some work at a restaurant they wanted 3 large murals.
She's good like that.

Ken said he had a big cubicle wall that he wanted to paint so we gave him some cash and said we'd take what ever he painted. here's what he made.

To get the piece I had to go to where he lived It's one of those old hotels that house drug addicts.
Not the cleanest of places. piss on the floor of the elevator dirty walls horrible smells, people slumped in corners passed out.
And if you have not shared an elevator with 6 crack and heroin fiends.
Then my friend, you haven't lived.

One woman, in fine form, traded her lighter for a bit of heroin, (this was in the hotel lobby) then screamed her head off that it wasn't enough to get high. The other woman who gave her the drugs was adamant that it was.  They hurled fucks, bitches, and shit heads at each other until we were on the elevator. Then we all casually joked at how crazy that junkie was for not thinking that that wasn't enough heroin to get high, Ha ha ha. That silly bird.
(get me out of this elevator I thought)

Walking down the hall way some other lady was happily singing away as she tried to scrub the words "cunt" and "bitch" from her door. Someone got artistic and marked her door up in the late evening.

After leaving the place I asked Gina,"Wasn't that the dirtiest place you've ever been?"
"No. Bangkok. They had shit and blood on the walls there."
Awesome.

I got my piece and I'm very happy with it. Walking down the street many of the drug fiends would say how nice the piece was and offer a hand to carry it.
I really don't know why I didn't take them up on it. It was heavy and awkward.
I could have abused their desperation and paid a dollar to have it carried  for me.

Here's a fun fact.
There's a street off Hastings that shuts down on Sunday afternoons so the people of the street can peddle their wares.
Car phone chargers, VHS tapes, magazines, dirty broken toys, all laid out on filthy blankets, or just placed on the street. Basically it's a collection of what they found or stole that week.

Red Bull.

I was surprised by how little time we had to relax. I was expecting to have all this free time and write a whole mess of new songs. In the end I completed 3 new ones and about 3 song structures that, as of today, I have not completed yet.

We had some brief moments of spontaneity in the city of Vancouver.
Out for a drink with a friend Dave Hamilton, (a fantastic photographer check out his stuff HERE) we ended up meeting up with a couple of his friends.

Dave's Studio.

They were actors, one of which, Katie, was killed by Jason Vorhees in Freddy Vs Jason. They got us into a couple of cool clubs. One where you were not allowed to take a picture, use a cell phone, or tell anyone that it was there.
They also made shitty drinks.
So maybe not so cool.
Fun time nonetheless.

I can give acting tips.

"Next time you get killed in a movie do this!"

Also, stay on my lap.

A resemblance?

Gregg, a friend of ours, was flying up from San Francisco to spend the weekend.
The plan was Gina would go with her friend up to Whistler then Gregg and I would cruise up after I scoop him from the airport.

Dear, dear Gregg. (with 3 g's)

But alas we didn't get away from the port until close to 11 and so plans changed. Gina was in Whistler drinking her little face off while the total amount of alcohol consumed by two grown men was 4.
Everywhere had a line up that looked to be a minimum of a 30 minute wait. Neither of us put up with lines so we resided in 2 dinner/ lounge bars.  A drink in each.
While trying to find a bar up ahead on the walk is some tall lanky fellow wearing a Zack Morris type sweater, and an over sized flat brim hat, walking towards us with quite the swagger. There were 2 girls behind us and we heard him say "Let me check out these fly ass biddies."
and slowly walked by the girls giving them the creepiest look.
The look was mainly directed at their tits.
I have stolen this move and added it to my own repertoire on how to not pick up girls.

Also there was this guy.

He robbed a girl of her balloons and 3 bouncers chased him down the street and dropped him hard to the ground.


Since we were not getting into any good bars this night we decided we'd go to a local strip bar. Of course we had no idea where they were and hopped in a cab.
"We'd like to go to a gentleman's club, good sir."
"Uh, well, I think the last one closed done a year a go."
"What?"
"Ya the city is really strict on that."
"There's no way Vancouver does not have a strip club!"
"Oh a strip club! We got plenty of those I thought you wanted a sex club."
Vancouver Apparently has classy rip joints because we did not have proper shoes to get into half of them but cabby-extraordinaire said he knew where to take us.
A place called Orange or something of the like.
He drops us off.
We pay.
Walk over to the door.
It's Locked.
Turn around and cabby is driving away.
We walked to McDonald's
then went home and fell asleep in the same bed.
2 drinks a piece and I'm in bed with a dude.
My mom would be proud.

It's not what you think!

After 2 and a half weeks we were ready for home and 6 shows
Calgary, Regina, 2 in Kenora, Sault Ste. Marie, and Barrie.

Photo Booth!

Calgary round 2 THe Blind Beggar Pub was great. The bands ha fans out I even had fans come out (Imagine That!)
I played a new song for the first time, called Welcome Back Old Fear. The audience were responsive to it. I was pleased.

Regina round 2 is technically round one since I had food poisoning and lost my car key. This time I opened up for the Ontario band Adam's Rib. Again the place was packed! It was awesome, people were listening tapping toes, people were buying merch it was good. The place doesn't usually have acoustic acts but people dug it. Off the top of my head I can not remember the venue name.

This was our dance crew for the evening

Adam's Rib

At the end of the night we had no place to stay and Gina managed to get quite intoxicated the sound man and some new friends we met kept getting us drinks. It couldn't be helped I suppose.
Also because of the Roughriders game that evening there were no hotels available.
Another night of driving in pitch black but this time I had a near empty tank and a rambling drunk in the car.
"It's like Jersey Shore."
"What is?"
No response.

"If the cops pull us over will they ask Trail questions?" (Trail is my dog)
"Stop talking."

"You're Driving! Do you know where you're going? Are you ok to drive these guys?"
"There's no one else here."
"Oh, ok."
"Do you feel strong enough to drive everyone to Vancouver?"
"There's no one else here!"
"You are."

I got quite worried of running out of gas on the highway but my iphone said that there were 3 gas stations in some little town 15km up ahead.
They were all closed.
the first motel was booked up but luckily the other one in town had a vacancy and was only $65.
Come the morning Gina had no idea where we were, or how much she annoyed me in the car.

Kenora, on a Monday and Tuesday. I didn't expect much.
 I played at The Cornerstone the first night it was busy, but sadly not many were there to hear music. I struggled to be heard over loud conversations. I tried 2 new songs Welcome Back Old Fear and for the 1st time Sleeping in The Kitchen.

2nd night was at Shooters. It was dead. I did manage to get some ladies to dance when I covered Adele's Rolling in the Deep.
They were the kind of ladies that like other ladies.

Some of the finer people in Kenora.

Leaving Kenora, heading towards Thunder Bay. Gina was driving and then all f a sudden there was a rumbling sound and bumping.
"Did you just blow a tire?" I asked
"No, I'm slowing down and the wind on the trailer is making it do that."
Does this look like wind on a trailer?

Sault Ste. Marie. Lop Lop's, Another night I didn't expect much. After seeing how many people came to see Broken Social Scene and Bedouin Soundclash, what chance did I have?
And true to form there were a handful off folks in half of which only wanted to drink Scotch.

Some of the fine folks that came out plus The Owner Steve. 

We were instructed to not look at the camera.

I've tamed the ornery moose.

Finally back home in Barrie. When we arrived it hit me. I was tired.
3 months of travel will do that to you.
I set up At The Local and I played pretty mellow and kept banter to a minimum. Usually I play my sets longer than usual going over an hour for each, but tonight straight up 45 min sets I had no energy.
I packed up and headed straight home to bed.
I needed to get ready for the day job.

-Neil
www.eyeswide.ca

Summer Tour Part 2 or something something something

I am one time zone away from home. Just entered Ontario I’ve got 2 shows in Kenora. I may cover a Tragically Hip Tune tonight. I’m listening to them right now. That may have something to do with it.

I check my iPhone the next note is “Perfect Pint My”

I guess someone poured me a nice beer between Calgary and Salmon Arm.

Red Deer AB, Velvet Olive

When I stopped in the café early in the afternoon there was one fellow who was in good spirits. I left and returned that evening and he was still there, feeling even better. After the show The staff, customers, and me went to a rock bar. That man who had been to the bar came and continued drinking. While talking to him he told me he had been at the café hours before I showed up. This fellow is a power drinker.  He ended up snuggling to the mannish woman bouncer at the end of the night. I hope it worked out for him.

It was a good show, good crowd, minus the guy who was sitting near the stage with his back to me. He farted looked left, looked right and walked away leaving me mid song in old man fart cloud. 

Thanks dude.

I also had requests to take off my shirt, always flattering, never happens though. 

Request all you want. 

This has happened to me 3 times since I’ve been playing.

Two of those three times from dudes.

I almost did it once but that was to make a T-Shirt sale.

Who doesn’t like driving through mountains? I’ve swerved multiple times just from staring out the side window to look at the view. Safety was not my #1 concern it seemed. Neither was stopping to look at said view.

I stayed in Salmon Arm, BC (Canoe to be more specific) to visit with my sister and her 3 kids. She had the third a year and a half ago, and I had not seen it yet. I’m not much of a baby person and I think this young lad could sense it (not unlike a dog sensing fear). He didn’t seem to take to me. I also dropped him on his head the first time I touched him. It’s like handeling a snake you want to hold it but at the same time you really don’t.  I caused 2 more head whacks after that

We’re not on speaking terms. 

I find that babies really are like dogs. They eat off the floor, like chew toys. And when you eat, they want what you are eating. I’ll stick with my dog.

Another day of beach laying and boat cruising. I love summer.

This is the tool I need to babysit.

Kamloops, BC

This was a rock bar. Mostly puts on metal shows.

Also, the first and only bar to use this image for their promotional posters.

It’s a great little venue and after the show I crashed at the managers house where he prepared for the Mortal Kombat tournament his bar staff was having in a weeks time. I hadn’t played this game since it first came out in arcade’s. Remember arcade’s?) It is so much bloodier than before. You and another character come out grab a chick’s legs and rip her apart from the vagina up! It’s insane!

I stopped off in White Rock, BC for free housing and to visit Gina’s parents.

Her sister was pregnant. She decided to have a baby the night I showed up.

I slept through it.

She birthed a baby and a wig it seems.

I also watched Driving Miss Daisy for the first time, starting in the middle. I didn’t know what was going on

The dude keeps trying to drive Miss Daisy around in a nice car, but she will have none of it and then Dan Akroyd shows up. This movie is crazy.

Langley, BC New Balance Café

I stayed at Gina’s sisters place. It is the first couple house I’ve seen dominated by dude stuff. It’s all pictures of Trucks and fishing. Behind a stack of coasters I saw a photo of them together. 

Then I put my drink in front of it.

The café was good a good show plus I tried Dead Frog Beer for the first time.

(I’m now trvelling back to Ontario with a few cases in the trailer!)

Vancouver, BC Joe’s Apartment

Vancouver It’s been awhile but Granville is a great street.

A man walks by me as I stand outside the bar

“I just banged a Russian girl Uh! Uh! Uh! You jealous? I bet you are.”

And walked on.

“You know him?" I asked the bouncer.

“Nope.”

Oh Granville st….

So the local band that was to play either cancelled or didn’t show up.  Also another touring band did not show up.

So the promoter got a last minute fill in a touring band from Ontario called The Hell Bros., who called their style of music Southern Rock.

What do you think when someone says southern rock?

I think Allman Brothers, Lynard Skynard, Sheepdogs.

They had a song called Tombstone. They introduced it like this.

“This is for those people that go to their grandmother’s funeral and see her looking all sexy with that make up on and want to touch her vag.”

Hell Bros. were not Southern Rock.

Hell Bros and our gigantic crowd. They did manage to mosh a bit.

A fair bit of musical mismatch, cancelled band, and a band no show equals a shit night.

At the show was one short moustached fellow wearing a Rough Riders jersey.

“Hey man is there any more live music?”

“I don’t know I’m touring through, don’t know the area.”

Where did the Rough Riders play tonight?”

“No man the games on Sunday. I came up from Regina to see it. I’ve been here 12 days waiting for it!”

That’s along time to wait for one game. From What I hear Saskatchewan loves football.

I'm sorry Adidas, but I think you need a new shoe designer.

Or is this an early April Fool's joke.

If so, you got me!

After the set I head to Doolin’s down the street for a relax drink.

A server notices me from the other side of the bar.

You look like _------ (I don’t know his name) from True Blood. I have a thing for werewolves.”

I had decided to not shave or cut my hair while on the road and by now the beard was in full force. I suppose it was wolf like.

It was here I tried a beer that, I was told, tasted like fancy bathroom soap.

Those two things should not be together. I was even told that that is what it tasted like. But I had to know for myself.

It tasted like fancy bathroom soap.

The next day I’m in Whistler for My second Warrior Dash Race. The first being in Ontario in July. All through the tour I’d been getting up between 7 and 9 in the morning . So I felt I had been doing well preparing for this race.

Get in The Gondella and up we go!

I prolly could have found some better scenery to take a photo.

The race starts with a giant hill. People had to start walking within 1 minute of the race starting. Very demoralizing. I told myself , No I will not walk and running through throngs of people going further up the hill when I get to the turn what I thought was the top of the hill, My heart sunk that was only half the hill and it gets steeper. I soon started to walk. This hill took somewhere between 10-15 minutes to finish.

 Here's the hill you start on doesn't look daunting from this photo and it's only part of it.        people were walking before the end of the tree line.

No broken toes no major cuts. I came in 908 out of near 4000.

Goodbye Mountains.

 *Side note- Did you know or ever think that dogs have periods? A friend of mine mentioned this and at first I was like “What?” That’s human stuff!” But then seconds later it made sense. It has nothing to do with anything. But there it is, dog periods.

Moose Jaw, SK Java Express

I stopped in Calgary for the night and went on back  to Moose Jaw to try out Java Express. There were more people out this time but again nothing crazy. I went to check out the pubs after but it seems everyone was in bed that night. Off to the Al Capone Hideout Inn. It still smelled of Cigarette’s. (not sure if I mentioned that in part one)

*Side Note- There is a town in Saskatchewan called Rouleaux.

It is pronounced Rolo.  Ridiculous.

Unknown note “3 yawn homeless.” any guesses?

I stopped at a gas station in what ever town I was in And there was an older gentleman at the magazine rack in his 50-60’s. He had the body type of a large potato with toothpicks for legs. He wore  tan shorts held up high with red suspenders. He sort of looked like the old man who made the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.

Anyway reaching up to the top rack he caused a major collapse of magazine’s to the floor. When he got to the til I was behind him he had a newspaper, A big bag of Dill Pickle Chips, and a Haagen Das ice cream bar. When the cashier rings in the items she lifts the paper and beneath lies the protectively wrapped magazine “Bootylicious.”

On the cover were Spanish and Black girls with gigantic asses.

Old Mr. Jurassic Park is a lover of fine pornography.

He clearly did not want the other items. They were there to take away from the fact that all he wanted was a collection of ass pictures.

Someone needs to get this guy the Internet.

Regina, SK Spadina Free House

I learned that Regina has one of the world’s largest murder rate per capita.

A bar tender told me a story about his friend who got stabbed twice in one night. The first a man wanted money and sliced his arm. He wrapped a banfdage around it and stayed out later 5 10 year old kids surrounded him and said give me your ipod of course he said no, and was then stabbed once in the stomach.

I couldn’t wait to get to Stabtown!

Driving in I was listening to the local radio and the Dj was speaking to a fan that was at the Vancouver football game. It’s a tradition for the more extreme Saskatchewan fans to carve out watermelons to make helmets to wear at the games. The Security said sorry you can’t bring that in.  The man being interviewed smashed his helmet on the ground in front of security. And the rest of the helmet wearers were forced to hand in or throw out there fruit hats. The woman asked why did you smash it?

“What else could I do?”

I’m pretty sure there were a few other options other than throwing your hat on the ground.

Do you think the fact that you all were not aloud to wear your helmets is what lead to the loss to Vancouver?

“Oh definitly.”

Saskatchewan football fans are nuts.

Just did a search for melon head pics and the incident with this dude made CBC News here's the link!

Is news important anymore?

I actually didn’t get to play in Regina. But I spent a shit load of money.

I wondered around the city in the afternoon and a few people told me go eat at such and such place, (I can’t remember the name) The server recommended the Muscles. I should have said “Uh there are no ocean’s here We are in the middle of Canada.” But I didn’t, I said, “OK.”

I went for a nap in my car that was in the parking lot of the Freehouse.  I opened the window and fell asleep with the key in my hand. Woke up an hour later and threw up and felt horrible. Then I couldn’t find my key. It wasn’t in my front seat wasn’t in the back seats not on the floor. I remembered that there were 10 or so people around the car when I dozed off. Could someone reached in my window and took the key from my hand?

I had to go in the bar and tell them that I had to call a tow truck to get my car to a Mazda dealership where they could cut another key. I couldn’t leave the car in that lot because the window was open plus my key was missing someone could come back and take the car!

Because I was sick, I probably looked wasted or high, which I was not. The manager was fine with me not playing, probably was glad not to have me in the bar. For all I knew I could have had throw up in my beard. I went outside threw up again and waited for the truck. He towed it to the dealership, which of course was closed but left the car parked so that the open window was pointing out towards the street. Thanks Tow Truck driver.

I went to a hotel costing $140, and had the worst sleep waking up off and on sweating through the blankets with a pounding headache. The next day I went and got my key feeling better but kind of weak. The key cost $130.  $270 plus what ever I spent on lunch and all the gas to get there. Not a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be really good in Winnipeg and I can recoup some of the loss.

Nope.

Read on.

Winnipeg MB, Sam’s Place

I had booked a local band to play the night with me. The owners said that it’s not a venue with walk in traffic you need to have a local to play, hence the band.

Earlier the band said they might not be able to make it and could recommend other locals to play if need be. I said ok let me know if you can’t make it.

I heard no more from them thinking they would be playing the show.

They did not show up, didn’t let me know of any locals to fill in, or invite anyone to the show. I texted them that day asking where were they. I heard nothing until after the “show” if you call it that. I played 30 minutes to the staff who were not paying attention. One person walked in, peed, and left.

The band had said we could have played if you’d told us sooner.

You didn’t tell me you couldn’t play!

I packed up to head to Kenora, ON, to find the whole neighborhood watching a man run around wasted or high, or both with blood streaming down his face. Even the paramedics there weren’t trying to get him under control they just walked around watching.

Winnipeg’ rule as far as I could see was let the derelicts roam free, they make good entertainment.

Here's where I played to the staff! 

In front of a fake lizard or gator.

Kenora I spent 2 days drinking on the beach on a boat in restaurants and in a house It was great after 2 bad nights. Just what I needed.

Me and the boys with booze and a boat! 

Here is a video of me jumping off a cliff! I'm the second jumper. The hesitant one.

40 feet? is that all?

Thunder Bay, ON Jack’s

I was to go to the open mic night the day previous and play a few songs and try to get some people to come out for the real show the following night.

I showed up and it was a handful of older fellows playing classic rock like Eagles, April Wine and such, I was there early but was bypassed to play for another classic rock singer. So I just went home I was tired.

I showed up the next day to find that I was not opening for a band Artemis something, that I was told I would be playing with, and that there were 2 acoustic players opening for me. 

All right that’s fine.

But one did not show up so it was just the one opener.

She seemed in a bad mood and I later learned that she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

She starts to play and you can hear her guitar quite out of tune. I tell the promoter, she’s plugged into my tuner tell her to step on it and make use of it.

He said “She’s in a bad mood I don’t think anyone should be telling her what to do.”

Huh?

He did go up, but she didn’t work out the tuner.

So we had a sour set. Which was a shame because she did have a good voice.

I’m tired by this point I had been on the road for awhile and still 3 more shows to get to.

I drove to Sault Ste. Marie had a day off which matched up with a free show put on by Sirus Radio, featuring Bedouin Soundclash and Broken Social Scene. How awesome is that?

Let me tell you.

Real awesome.

My friend took me out for dinner.

“Where we going?”

“Out for Indian.”

“Cool where’s that?”

“The Husky.”

“What? The Gas Station Huskey?”

"Ya.”

So it seems Husky’s are the new Indian Food stop, and it was decent too.

The best part was when a guy stands up and says.

“I gotta pay now and get back to the hotel before this settles.” Paid and ran out.

We show up to the arena and it was the saddest scene for a big band to have. Empty seats, and an empty floor. There were three rows in front of the stage followed by a big empty space leading to the sparsely filled seats.

What’s going on here?

“It’s the Sault.” Was the only answer I received.

Anyone coming out tonight?

Bedouin were great. You know when bands have those lines in there songs where the audience is expected to sing? Ya Bedouin has one of those

They go “Murderer!”

And we go “Blood upon your shoulder!”

Easy.

But no one said anything. I started sing it but thought maybe I sang it at the wrong time. Then realize that no, I had it right. You could see them laugh at the fact no one sang the line.

“I was told the same thing happened to Kiss when they showed up, but worse. There was a part where they stop and turn the mic’s to the audience to sing whatever line they are supposed to sing, and it was dead air. No one sang anything.

Way to go Sault Ste Marie.

Bedoiun Soundclash!

I don’t see Broken Social Scene ever returning to this city.

Broken Social Scene!

People started to leave during there set, so the already dead venue got even more empty.

At one point my friend says to me.

“This sounds like drugy music.”

I feel bad for the turn out, but it was great for me to see two cool bands up close and when my legs got tired I could sit, anywhere, then come right back up to the front of the stage.

just taping the guitar to the amp. That old trick?

At one point the singer said “I’m pissed why are we even in this building? We should be in someone’s house.”

He left before the last song and did not return.

of the few people who stayed for the full AWESOME show.

Here's a video of Broken Social Scene covering Modest Mouse (The World At Large) From The Sault!

* Side note- One of my favourite conversations I overheard

I was standing in a line behind these 2 fellows.

Guy 1 “I hope it’s not long.” Referring to the line.

Guy 2 “That’s what she said.”

Guy 1 “why would she say that?”

Guy 2 “…I don’t know.”

Toronto, ON The Only Café

On my way to Toronto I was able to pass by Barrie see Gina and Trail(my dog) then off to T Dot!

Here there was a mix up the manager double booked the venue. I showed up with my gear and some woman was there with her band.

When she found out about the double booking she was in a tizzy. What do we do? We booked the show we have fans coming.”

Ya so did I lady.

So I said since you’re a full band I’ll open for you no problem for me I play one set instead of 2. Still stressed out by this world shattering complication, she finally agreed but said I must be done by 9pm.

I’m just thinking don’t push it lady.

I was booked to play here as well in May as a matter of fact.

I didn’t really care but right away I didn’t like her.

And I know it’s common for musical acts to not really pay that much attention to who is playing before. I’ve seen it lots. Usually the bands or musicians talk with the friends and fans or go outside and get ready for their set, that kind of stuff.

And it’s no problem. I don’t mind, never bothers me, But for some reason I watched her during my set not pay any attention to my set, and it bothered me prolly because I put it in my head that I dislike her already, anything she did would irk me.

She went up to Gina while I was playing.

“Make sure he’s be done by 9.”

Her response “He’ll finish when he finishes his set.” And turned away.

Her band was nice talked briefly with them and they listened to some songs.

I left as soon as I packed up and left with my friends. No need for us to support someone like that.

As a musician you’ve got to be able to deal with changes. Bands not showing up, double bookings, equipment malfunctions. It’s part of it How you deal with those situations shows a lot about you I think.

Me and Bryce not drinking at The Only Cafe.

Greek Beer. 

St. Catharine’s, ON Strega Café

Strega Café. The last time I played here I played to 4 people. But I didn’t care they had fantastic food and drinks and it’s free for musicians!

So If I had the same size crowd, I didn’t care I was eating and drinking well that night.

It wasn’t crazy had more people than last time 7 or 8 so I’m slowly gaining a crowd hopefully when I go back in November will be close to 15!

It started off slow no one was there for awhile so I spent the first 20 minute’s playing The Monopoly Card game with some of the staff and their friends. It’s quite fun and does not take 3 days to finish.

Then some people started to arrive and I kicked out the jams.

On to the last show!

Orillia, ON The Brownstone

I’ve ventured from Barrie multiple times to come out for a sandwich and beer. I like the venue and don’t mind diving the 30 min. to get there. I’ve wanted to play there for a while and finally got a chance. A similar thing happened as in Toronto, a double booking of sorts. The only difference was that they told me about it a month before the show. So there was no problem I said I’d open for the three piece band.

Tune Up.

Freeman Dre and the Kitchen Party. They are great guys and quite beloved by the crowd that night.  Dre used to do hip-hop but switched to folk music and is doing quite well.

Freeman Dre and The Kitchen Party

It was a great final show for the tour, drinks food good tips from the audience.

Last pic of the tour.

At the end of the night I drove home and got a chance to sleep in my own bed. Which is the floor. Yup I sleep in the floor actually on a thin futon matress. But it’s my thin futon mattress, and I was glad to be in it again.

In 10 days I would make another trip out West to Vancouver and back. This time with Gina and Trail.

After 6 weeks of no hair cut or shaving. I took it all off. 

-Neil

www.eyeswide.ca