A Teacher's Life

On my Jango site, which is online radio, listeners can like your songs and become fans. They can even write comments. One considerate fellow after liking a song of mine had written "gtfh", in my comment section. I did not know what it meant. Perhaps some street slang for the awesomeness that had bombarded his ears when my song come up?
I went to urban dictionary to find out what the meaning of "gtfh" was.
Go to fucking Hell.
Really? Go to fucking Hell.
You, miscellaneous internet user, out of your own accord take the effort to become a fan of mine so you could tell me to go to Hell.
Well if that ain't gumption....

So I've been home for a while  and have been working whenever possible.
When I started teaching back in 2004-2006 I used to write mass emails about my teacher tales.
Let's relive that and share some of my current teaching tales.

Let me set up scenario one.
I was working at a particularly rough school. A school I do not often go to.
The regular teacher warned me. "This is a difficult class. If they are acting up have them removed, call the office."
If only it were so easy.
I called the office 3 times about kids who have left the class ran away or would not leave the room. They answered my phone call once.
There was this girl who was quite over weight for her age, wearing an all red outfit. Red sweat pants with a red t-shert that was smaller than t shirt should be. It did not meet the pant line and showed off her large grade 5 belly.
The school had a dress code. No tank tops. No belly shirts. But I guess if the shirt is too small and cannot contain your belly it's alright.
A boy had went to the washroom. ( a boy who was not allowed to go alone for fear of what he might do) but did not sign on the board that he was leaving.
Kool Aid saw that, ( sorry I know it's mean but if you had met this girl you would have disliked her as much as I did) and said "If he can  leave I can leave!"
"No, he asked. Sit down"
"No!! I'm leaving!!!"
And storms past me.
Did I mention we are  not allowed to touch students, even from leaving a class room?
Crazy, right?
I call the office. "So and so has left, ignoring me, blah..."
and they did nothing.
The boy who went to the washroom, with the lad who is not allowed to go alone, comes in the room and says that man-child-girl is pulling the other boy into the girls washroom.
I go down and check and she has this kid in a strangle hold dragging him across the floor in to the girl's room.
I tell her to stop and she runs off.
That was with in the first 20 minutes of being in this room.
Teaching is not all math and spelling.

*Side note- I did make notes of things  I wanted to say to her  to make her cry. I would have whispered them while she was hiding under the table (which she did 3 times that day) or anywhere away from earshot from the children so I could claim I did not say them, but deleted them soon after writing them.

So kids like to send notes.
It happens infrequently because now they usually text each other, but to those that don't have a phone an old fashioned note will have to do.
When i apprehend these culprits I ask them for the note and they try to hide it or say they will throw it away anything to not give it to me so it's always some form of dialogue with me ending up firmly saying "I said, Give me the note!"
They hand it over and I usually read allowed a "do you like me?" or "Why don't you like me anymore?" allowed we all have a chuckle at who ever had it and go about our day.
This one time it happened a touch differently, but began in the same manner.
"What do you have there?"
"Just some paper." as he stuffs it into his desk.
"well, give it to me."
"No. I won't read it anymore."
"Give it to me."
"I'll throw it out."
"Give it to me!"
Meanwhile the whole class is watching, like usual, and the kids in his group are all serious.
What's going to happen? is what their look says.
It's always someone in their group who wrote it.
Just say it to them or ask.
He finally hands it over and I go to read it out, but I pause.
it reads:
"Mr Crowe's fly is undone should I tell him?"
I look at the letter. Look up after a moment of silence and say "Ya!" very firmly and walk over to my desk to fix my fly.

There was a student who did not have a very good work ethic and said he finished his work. I asked to see it and it was crumpled up beside his desk. I unravel the mess and read his math work which ask for him to explain the math patern. Start at 1 and w 
"What does this say?"
"Start at 1 and w."
"What does it mean?"
"I dunno."
Genius! A grade 7 on his way to dropping out of high school.

One sharp lad in grade 1 was working  in his journal where they were to write a sentence or 3 and draw a picture. his picture was a mess of potato shapes and, what may or may not, be considered lines, with the the word "me" written below.
"Sorry but you need to write a full sentence that has more than one word."
He takes his book and goes back to his desk to complete his masterpiece.
10 minutes later he shows me "me and my mom."
Fair enough. It's a complete sentence.
I scan the other pages of his journal and they all say "me and my mom"
complete with odd potato shapes and squiggles.
Although, there was the one day he seemed to get creative and wrote "mom and me"
I look forward to reading his first novella.

Sometimes in the younger grades the students ask me, where's Mrs. So-and-so or Mr. Whosiwhatsit?
I tend to say "I've tied them up and locked them in the closet so I could take over the class."
They always try to open the closet and of course it won't open, and for half the day they are unsure because their tiny brains don't have enough common sense.
On this particular day, a young girl looked at me with eyes wide and mouth agape. She couldn't believe it. Her eyes turned to hate, she looked at me with such malice as she said, "You're not a teacher! A teacher wouldn't do that! You're a stealer! You're a stealer!"
and went to all her friends telling her what I did. I think she was plotting a mutiny of the classroom.

I spent a good 15 minutes discussing respect, what respect is and how to show it.
They al had their input and it was fine. They had to do a journal writing/drawing about it after.

This was my 2nd favourite

He said "I show respect by sharing a swing with my friend.
"What's happening in that picture?"
"Oh that's a war. But don't worry it's up above and the bullets aren't hitting us."
Perfect.

My Favourite, and I wish I took a picture of it, was this was his sentence, "A giant is squashing the buildings."
"It's cool, but we were talking about respect."
"Oh."
"We spent 15 minutes talking about it."
"Really?"
"I wrote the sentence starter on the board that you were to use. It's still there. It says "I show respect by..."
"Oh."

I can't wait to see him at Burger King.
"Uh, I ordered a Whopper."
"Oh."
" and I got a chicken sandwich."
"Really?"
"You took my order. You said it was your favourite sandwich."
"Oh."

Seacrest Out!

-Neil
www.eyeswide.ca